Good Grief - Hotel Griffou - 21 9th St., b/tw 5th & 6th Aves.

Whatever you do, do not go to Hotel Griffou for the food.  It's been a while since I've had as near an upalatable meal in New York City as dinner tonight at Griffou. The menu is caught between lots of lobster and some, supposed, American classics, e.g. Steak Diane (was this ever considered good eating and was it ever really acceptable to serve this outside of the home?) The selection is poor and among what we chose (lobster thermidor fondue, lobster succotash, duck confit poutine, pork cutlets and salad nicoise) there was not a discernable flavor among any of the dishes other than maybe salt and/or fat.  Frankly, I really just assumed that it was all flavored with MSG, given that everything was saucy, glistening and maybe narcotically flavorful, but truly just disgusting.  Also, unless you're willing to go $150 or above on the wine, there are not many choices on the list and I'm pretty sure the insipid $75 bottle of Sancerre we had, retails for about $14.  Food-wise, Griffou is extremely disappointing and I'm not sure how a kitchen in Manhattan, serving $27 entrees, could get it this wrong.  Nevertheless, I'm clear on why they get away with it: Griffou has appeal and intrigue in its ambience, which is clandestine, cozy and varied in that there are six rooms, all decorated differently.  Moreover, it's a "scene" and somehow has become a hot-bed for celebrities.  A few months ago a friend went and shared in JLo's birthday dinner.  Tonight, a friend spotted Sienna Miller.  I doubted my friend, until I saw Jude Law walk in the front door, probably fresh from his performance in Hamlet (which is great by the way, but I'll stick with the food critiquing).  Not only did we get a good, long look at Mr. Law, but I think we got some scoop too--spotting Jude and Sienna in the same place.  Is it reconciliation?  Whatever it is, call out to all celebs: please demand better in your food.  NYC has so much more to offer than stylized joints, like Griffou, that serve the expensive equivalent of greasy nachos and wings. If you want to check out the scene, go for drinks only.   

Could do Better - Civetta - 98 Kenmare b/tw Lafayette & Mulberry

New York does not need another French bistro/brasserie mock-up nor another Italian, faux-rustic trattoria.  For Italian, we can survive just fine with Morandi, Gemma, Il Buco and so many others that Civetta is just one more entrant in an already crowded scene.  Civetta, unfortunately, does not stand out--neither with its decor, which is only a meager imitation of Gemma, nor with its food, which I found very salty, ill-conceived, and really only a step-up from any average Italian joint you'd find in any city in this country.  Dare I say, only a step-up from the Olive Garden?  The service was fine, but unnoticeable when you're striving to find something redeeming in the food.  Just when you think all hope is lost, though, there is still reason to go to Civetta and that is the downstairs lounge.  As I was finishing dinner, at a "respectable" (read early) hour with friends and friend's parents from out of town, it was clear that anyone entering the restaurant was really headed for the lounge downstairs and probably didn't even know that Civetta serves food.  The lounge is a sizeable, but still cozy space with bar on one side and a grotto of booths on the outer walls.  Add a DJ, stiff cocktails and a crowd dressed and liquored for Thursday night in NYC and you have yourself one little hotspot.  Civetta, enjoy, but no dining allowed.

Noodle Histrionics - Mr. Chow, 324 E. 57th St. b/tw 1st & 2nd

Noodle histrionics, cougars and silverbacks galore, and a waiter who offered "MSG" as the Chinese spice that must've numbed my friend's tongue during his last dinner in Beijing, do not bode well for an extraordinary dining experience. Mr. Chow, while glamorous to the eye, is a little 2000-late and underwhelming overall. I felt lost in a New York past life, flush with cash and self-importance, and the live noodle maker and obsequious, uninformed wait-staff didn't make up for relatively bland, uninteresting and very expensive Chinese food ($35+ per entree). I had good company and good conversation, which made it all ok, and if I had to pick one thing to praise, the Peking duck, while dry and served with what could have been a Mexican flour tortilla, was five-spice-seasoned perfectly and satisifying with cucumber slices and plum sauce. I have a memory of visiting Mr. Chow in Tribeca three to four years ago and being kicked out of their bar: "the bar is only for diners". Preposterous and enough to make me not want to go back until required to for a business dinner this evening. Finally, tonight, I was a "diner" and now I'm not sure that I'm going back, ever.

Kefi - 505 Columbus Ave, b/tw 84th & 85th

I am, admittedly, an Upper West Side hater, particularly when it comes to restaurants. I have yet to find a great one and Kefi was supposed to be it, but not quite. It's stark and cafeteria like in its ambience (upstairs anyway). The waiters in their blue T-shirts, might play differently beside the Aegean, but were lost in translation on Columbus Ave. More importantly, the food was mixed. Appetizers of fried calamari and dill tzatziki sauce and the foodie take on the Greek salad--chopped, mixed olives, caper berries--were almost perfect, but they were a cruel set-up for the mediocre-at-best entrees. My braised lamb shank and orzo was saucy yet flavorless and while my friend's lamb chops were grilled to perfection, the rice and scallion side was oversalted and still somehow thin on flavor. I am a fan of Donatella Arpaia's restaurant's overall, but Mia Dona, for example, on 58th b/tw 2nd & 3rd is a much better meal and experience. And, fyi, I'm an Upper East Side hater too.

Table 8 - 25 Cooper Sq b/tw 5th & 6th Sts.

Table 8, was not so great, but I will give it a second chance. I had high expectations: the place looks very cool, the menu is interesting, the chef has solid, global training and the restaurant has a track record in LA and SoBe. I wanted fine dining in a sleek, chic environement. I got hit or miss food, friendly, but unprofessional service and a noisy, harried room. Bright spots: the scallop & kumquat and fluke in red chili oil from the salt bar were excellent; the crispy soft shell crab was also perfectly seasoned and the Albarino at $38 was a steal. Disappointments: tell me what your menu is about and how to order from it - really, what is a salt bar? The halibut was dry, flavorless; the quail was over-seasoned and tasted too gamey to be fresh and the small bite side dishes were nearly inedible. I will try again, though, as not only do I want to snag a seat in the outdoor patio, but it can take time for a restaurant to hit its stride, and I am eager for Table 8 to be great.

The Clerkenwell - 49 Clinton b/tw Rivington & Stanton

UrbanDaddy is spreading urban myths. Clerkenwell is no Spotted Pig and while attempting to be a gastro-pub, it's barely even a pub. I do need to be lenient, as tonight was only their 4th night in operation, but it kinda showed. The staff had no idea what was on the menu, it was an eternity before we got even a drink and, despite a reservation for 12, they had us squeezed into a table that, maybe on a good day, was supposed to seat 8. Nevertheless, the food was actually not so bad - nowhere near the caliber of Spotted Pig, of course (the gnudi and blue cheese burger - my true loves in this world) but not bad grub all around. Not a whole lot of ambience in the place, but a few outdoor tables, which might count for something. I might be getting too old for the lower east side, but ultimately, for me, this was a step up from savoring lunch from the Dosa-man in Washington Square Park and that's about it. Watch, it will be the hottest place among the 25+ crowd within the next month.

Lillie's - 13 E. 17th St., b/tw Bway & 5th Ave

Don't know about you folks, but I like to sweat when I'm working out, not when I'm having drinks with friends. Although much fun was had, I spent much of last night's happy hour at Lillie's staring longingly at the massive air pipe and multiple vents lining the ceiling that, for some strange reason (maybe the place is so new they don't know where the A/C switch is?) were not pumping cool air. Anyway, discomfort aside, Lillie's proved to be a good happy hour spot: large space, all bar with a few tables in the back for food. Supposedly decorated like an 1870s Belfast pub-- but, really, how would we know? -- it reminded me of Gingerman in midtown or, really, any other upscale-ish, NY Irish pub. Didn't get to sample the food, but it looked like pretty typical bar food. And, while there is no cocktail list or mixologists in this shop, the cabernet was pretty good and there is an interesting, but small, beer selection on tap. Check it out for midday work lunch or happy hour drinks.